So, remember that guy I told you about a few posts ago? The weird old guy who came into my work talking about time travel and asking me if I believe in Jesus?

Yeah. I ran into him again. On the bus.

In Scarborough.

I’m a little worried.

The other weekend, an old guy came into my work just before we closed. He walked up to the counter with $15 in his hands and said “Gimme your biggest burger.”

The biggest burger we have is a pound, so I was a little skeptical that this guy would be able to eat it, but he was entirely adamant about it. Everyone else was closing up, so I took his order, threw the burger on the grill, and dressed it for him. While I was dressing his burger, he started making small talk. It was a pretty normal conversation at first. He asked me about the restaurant, where I’m from, and so on. When I had answered all his questions, he told me “I like your history”. 

I kind of just looked at him awkwardly and thanked him. I turned around to continue cooking his burger and he muttered something while my back was turned. I turned around, smiled, and asked “I’m sorry? It’s very loud back here.”

“You know there’s time travel, eh?” he told me.

I looked at him quizzically, and saw my coworker giving him the same look out of the corner of my eye. I just laughed and said “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah there is.” He said, giving me an awkward smile back. “You believe in Jesus Christ?”

His question kind of took me off guard, and in an attempt to be polite I said “Oh, that’s a tough question.” He told me it was fine, I gave him his burger, and I turned around to go into the back room and tell the other people working with me what had just happened. While I was telling the story, a guy I work with who had been mopping the front came into the back and asked where the guy had went. “He was there a second ago while I was mopping, and there aren’t any footprints leading to the washroom …. Maybe he’s Jesus! He could walk on water!”

My coworker and I joked for a minute about the possibility of this old guy being Jesus, when he walked out from the direction of the bathroom and went back to his seat.

My friend said “Damn it, too bad he wasn’t Jesus.”

Only in Oshawa

Conversation related to me by my daughter who was at a start of year party/concert at UOIT.

drunk guy: What’s your name?

my daughter: ‘her name’

drunk guy: What’s your name?

my daughter: ‘her name’

drunk guy a minute later: What’s your name?

my daughter: ‘Megan’

drunk guy a minute later: What’s your name?

my daughter: ‘Penny’

This went on for awhile, my daughter constantly coming up with new names, till she said “Molly”

drunk guy: That’s really pretty.  You want to grind?  I’m really good.

I understand my daughter declined the kind offer.

Only in Oshawa

-That guy sounds like he was just brimming with class. Great story!

It’s been a hell of a long time since I’ve posted anything on here, but I promise I have a good reason. School’s been killing me, and eating up basically all of my time. I’ve hardly had time to even look at this blog since November, and haven’t had nearly enough energy to post anything.

I’m going to try my best to get back to it though, I’ve had a few stories piling up over the last few months, and there’s one or two asks sitting in my inbox waiting for a reply. My goal is to queue up as much as I can and then get right back into schoolwork.

Also, a little while back I got a bit of an odd message. I saw it when I had just gotten home from a long day at school one night and deleted it out of anger, but I realize now it should definitely be addressed. Essentially, a guy who was ballsy enough to not send it anon said that myself and everyone who follows this blog is “fucked” because we talk about how horrible Oshawa is, and that we should see how it feels to be mugged “every day” in Toronto. 

First of all, this blog is in no way, shape, or form meant to say that Oshawa is a horrible or dangerous place. I love Oshawa, I was born and raised there, and it’s not bad in the slightest. Oshawa is hilarious, and I started this blog after meeting several people who don’t live in Oshawa but think it’s a disgusting, dreadful place to live. To be honest, I have no idea where this guy or anyone else would have gotten an idea like that, considering the majority of things that I post on here are just funny stories about ridiculous things I see while I’m in town.

The intention of this blog when I started it was to show people that Oshawa isn’t all that bad, it just has a few quirks. Yes, I have experienced my fair share of sketchy situations, but nothing that can be considered that terrible. However, despite all of that, to get so offended by something as ridiculous as this blog is a little childish. We’re here to have fun and share stories, not bitch about how terrible life in Oshawa is.

But I digress! I’ve got a bunch of stories to post, so I best get to it

I used to know a guy who lived in a sketchy apartment building on Simcoe street, and a few buddys and I used to go there to sesh pretty often.

One of my friends, Nick, told me about one time he went there without me. This sketchy guy that he knew showed up randomly one day, and they started talking. Now, when I say he was sketchy, I mean in and out of jail constantly for some pretty stupid reasons. While they were talking, the guy told Nick to come check something out in the bathroom. 

A few minutes later, a gunshot went off. The guy had pulled Nick aside to show him the gun he had in his waistband, and Nick (being the smart guy that he is) accidentally fired it. Nick and the guy dipped, leaving the guy who owned the place by himself until the cops showed up.

Only in Oshawa. 

I lived in Oshawa for a couple years when I went to Durham. I didn’t have a car at the time so I always took the bus and I always saw the same dude with bunny ears on walking down Simcoe Street North.

I lived in the apartment building at the intersection of Simcoe and Rossland. My apartment windows were ground level and it was summer when I first moved in so I had the windows open with just the screens on them. In the first week I had a sketchy fuckin dude bend over and look into my window and ask me if I had a cigarette he could bum off me.

Obviously I said no.

I saw him many many times after that and it just started to seem second nature and normal when I’d see him picking up cigarette butts in the parking lot and smoke them as I left for school. Fuck.

Pretty sure he’d wait til I fell asleep to come into my apartment and crawl in bed with me, but was the ultimate of creepers and would just be gone by the time I woke up.

Oshawa man. Oshawa.

-That’s nuts! I knew a guy who lived in an apartment on that corner, in the sketchy ass building right across from Northminster United. This actually reminded me of another story, I’ll have to post it soon

I pass memorial park on my way to the bus after I finish work. The other night, there was a homeless man sitting on one of the benches close to the side walk.

As I walked by, he said “HEY SWEETHEART!”

I glanced at him and kept walking, and he yelled “OH COME ON, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT!”

He then continued to call everyone who passed him sweetheart.

Only in Oshawa

This morning after I got into Oshawa, I went to the bus terminal down town to buy some DRT tickets. On my way there, a group of teenagers stopped at a red light beside me. One of them was holding a cigarette, looking sort of lost, so I asked him if he needed a lighter. I lent him my lighter, the light changed, and I walked ahead of them.

When I got close to the terminal, I noticed the shadow of someone walking oddly close behind me in the corner of my eye. All of a sudden, I felt someone tug on my backpack, so I whipped around. A girl from the random group of teenagers was standing behind me, holding the bottle of coke I had in the side pocket of my bag.

She laughed and said “Can I have a drink of your pop?”

I gave her a dirty look and without even thinking said “Are you fucked?”

She handed me my drink and ran away.

Only in Oshawa.